Ok here we go
Why don't ducks carry spare change? They all have "bills"
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted," Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied," I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
What is grass' favorite movie?
What's the best time to go to the dentist?
What do sneezes wear on their feet?
What's Mary short for?
She has no legs.
What did the stamp say to the envelope?
I'm stuck on you.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
Lunch is on me!
Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal.
Obi-Wan is deftly manipulating his chopsticks with the ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master.
Anyway, poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chop-sticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself.
Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says,
"Use the FORKS, Luke."
why do seagulls fly over the sea
because if they flew over the bay theyd be BAYGELS
I like my children like I like my wine, locked up in the cellar.
WHAT DID THE OX SAY TO HER SON WHEN HE LEFT FOR SCHOOL?
what do you clean a tuba with?
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he had no guts
Two atoms were walking when one of the atoms turns to his friend and says "I think I lost an electron!"
His friend asks "Are you sure?"
Why did the car go to McDonalds?
It was out of cheeseburgers.
So Sylvester Stalone, Jackie Chan, and Arnold Schwarzenegger decide to make a movie about classical musicians. But they all had to pick a part so Sly goes first and says he wants to be Handel because thats his favorite, Jackie goes next and says he wants to be Mozart because he kicks ass. Then Arnold said, "I'll be Bach"
Why couldn't the gentlemenly pirate sire get into the sophisticatedly adult content movie?
It was generously rated ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
What do you find in the woods that is brown and sticky?
two peanuts were walking down the street, and were assaulted.
they had it coming.
how do you make a tissue dance?
put a little boogie in it.
What do women and airoplanes have in common?
They both have cockpits
why do they call it an xbox 360?
cause when you see it you'll turn 360 degrees and walk away
An Anteater walks into a bar.
The bartender asks hime is he wants a beer, and the anteater responds, "Nooooooooooooooooooooo.."
The bartender says, "Okay, would you like a water?"
Finally, the bartender says, "Hey buddy, what's with the long nose?"
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
What kinda cheese doesn't belong to you?
What is "pi"?
Mathematician: Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter.
Engineer: Pi is about 22/over 9000.
Physicist: Pi is 3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005
Computer Programmer: Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision.
Nutritionist: You one track math-minded fellows, Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!
How many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What do you call two mexicans playing basketball against each other?
Juan on Juan.
Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish!
Oh God... that was good stuff...
Welcome to my world. I'd like to introduce you to Ollieville, a town where my comic pals live. Mad Dog and Spot, two best friends that like to hang out and go on adventures are currently residents. More towns-folks will be arriving over time (new web comics) Hope you enjoy your stay here. Don't forget to drop by Grubby's for a saucewich burger. Ask for extra sauce, only 29 cents.